Movie Monday – Movies Watched in April Ranked

I feel like everyone has a month or two where they don’t feel motivated to do what they love doing. April was that month for me. It was such a weird time for me mentally, and therefore, I didn’t watch many movies. In fact, I almost decided to roll April in with my May post. Although, I decided against that since I did that with the first three months of the year, and I want to start getting on track with these rankings. I did want to get this out for y’all because some of these movies are definitely worth your time! 🙂

Movie Monday – Films Watched in First Quarter Ranked

*DISCLAIMER: If you do not want to read all of the short reviews for the films below, you can scroll to the bottom to see my favorites and films I wouldn’t recommend. I also have a summary of each month under each list.

Hi guys! I know you all miss me. *crickets* So I am back for good! I am not taking a long break again. *boos aggressively* I know I posted last week, but I feel like this is my comeback! It is about movies of course. I think my content will lend more towards film going forward. I will still have other posts, but 2020 is my year for movies. I obviously have plenty of time for them now… You can see that considering that I watched 12 movies in March. I actually watched 13, but since I watched Ad Astra on March 1st, I moved it up to February to even out the lists.

This post is a long time coming. My original plan was to post a ranking for each month at the end of the month. At the end of January, I never got around to it. My new plan was to rank January and February in one post, and then I would rank each month separately going forward. Here I am… ranking January, February, AND March together. Let’s just get to it…

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

WHAT I DON’T RECOMMEND

  • Girl on the Third Floor
  • Max Steel
  • Hustlers

The movies above are the only ones I wouldn’t recommend you watching. If I rated a film low, but did not put it on the list, there is a reason to watch it. For example, I have already recommended All the Bright Places to a friend because I feel like it is an important movie for her to watch.

MY FAVORITES

  • 1917
  • Ad Astra
  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
  • Crawl
  • Birds of Prey
  • Jumanji 2

There is definitely more that I liked than the ones above, but those are the ones that stand out the most. If I had to recommend only 6 movies, those would be the 6 I would choose.

I hope you enjoyed this, and I am looking forward to reading your thoughts on these films! Keep in mind that I am no professional, and these are my personal opinions. Your opinions are supposed to be different from mine because they are your opinions! 🙂 Have a good day!

Small-Town Boy Volume 1

Small-town boy in a big arcade
I got addicted to a losing game
All of the love, once full, has frayed
The Cupid must have really bad aim

*I know this is short, it is part of a bigger story. I will post volumes of my Small-Town Boy series about once a week along with my weekly post. Once I have finished the entire story, they will be gathered together into one post. I hope you enjoy! :)*

Occhi Blu

I was complimented on my eyes yesterday, but I didn’t say anything. I stared at them with my “beautiful blue eyes” instead of thanking them. I just don’t see the appeal in blue eyes. Maybe it’s because the same man I got my blue eyes from is the same man that left my mom weeks before I was born. He is all I can think of when I think of blue eyes. I never even met him, but I have been told I have his eyes. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could afford colored contacts, but I can barely afford gas with my job at the local coffee shop.

“Benny? Are you there? There is coffee to be brewed.” I like coffee, but I don’t like brewing it. I enjoy making the cold coffees. My boss, Nancy, has figured that out which means I’m usually told to brew the coffee. I don’t argue, but she knows I don’t enjoy it. I think she feeds on my struggles. She really enjoys it too much.

“Yeah. Okay.” I’ve been spacing out at work lately. I’m always thinking of ways I can escape from the man everyone calls my dad. I just don’t know how considering a part of him sits on both sides of my nose.

“Are you okay?” Nancy puts her hand on my shoulder, and for some odd reason, it actually helped me relax. I’m still a mess, but she has managed to help me clean up a little bit just by showing that she cares.

“My eyes. Do you think they are pretty?” That’s probably a really stupid question to ask your boss.

“I mean, yeah they are. Why are you asking?” he looks into my eyes like she is staring at a million dollars. Why does everyone do that?

“I just- my dad had blue eyes.” She knows about my dad so I don’t have to say anything else for the bulb to go off above her head.

“Sweetheart, those are your eyes in that head of yours. They aren’t his. They are beautiful eyes, but they are not his eyes. Own the beauty. You don’t, however, have to own the fact that they look like his. You’ve only been told that. You don’t even know that for sure.” She is right. I haven’t even seen pictures of him. My mom doesn’t really have any pictures of him. She erased him from her life completely.

“Yeah. People compliment my eyes so much. I just feel like they are complimenting him more than they are complimenting me.” I’ve never said that out loud, but it’s true. He left before I was born, but he is still screwing up my mind at 19 years old.

“Own the beauty, not where you got your eyes from.” She pulls me in for a hug. “There’s only an hour left for your shift. Just go home and relax. I can finish up.”

She did this once before when I had a panic attack over a customer cussing me out. I hate when she does this, but after arguing with her the first time, I know it’s best to listen to her. It would be nice to relax at home right about now. “Thank you.”

We hug a second time, say our goodbyes, and I begin to walk for the door when someone opens the door waiting for me to walk out. I couldn’t help but notice that he was wearing Italian attire. I’ve got Italian in me from my dad. I’ve always wanted to learn Italian, but that’s just one more connection I would have with my dad.

“Hey sir. Are you Italian?” Never in a million years would I have thought I would be doing this. I don’t talk to people I don’t know. I especially don’t talk to hot strangers which this guy definitely is. I also don’t try becoming familiar with something that has something to do with my dad.

“Yeah. Why are you asking?” He realizes I am not walking out quite yet so he walks in and shuts the door. I, on the other hand, realize that he has a thick accent. He must have been born in Italy.

“My dad. Well, he- Are you sitting down? I’d love to talk to you.” I rub my hands together which is a thing I do when I get nervous.

“You’re welcome to join me. I’ve just got to get my coffee.” I silently celebrate as I will not only get to talk to a hot guy, but I might finally get closure.

“Don’t worry. I just got off work a few minutes ago. I can get it for you. What do you want?”

“Just black coffee. Thank you.” I give him a smile, and I make my way to the counter. Nancy must be in the back so I begin making the coffee. I make myself an iced coffee while brewing some fresh coffee for the Italian guy. I know Nancy wouldn’t mind if I didn’t pay, but in traditional Benny fashion, I go against what I know she’d want and sit a 10 dollar bill on the counter.

“I’m back!” I say in the most annoyingly enthusiastic way possible, but he doesn’t seem bothered. In fact, he smiled. No one has ever smiled like that when they see me.

“Ahh. The coffee. Thank you so much.” More smiles. This is too much for me to handle.

“No problem! It is my job.” I sit down across from him and start sipping on my iced coffee. I am the master at making iced coffee. Just ask anyone.

“Well, I appreciate it.” He starts to look like a big question mark. He is confused. “I hate to ask this, but is there a reason why you want to talk? I’m okay with talking. I’m just confused as to why.”

“Oh, I understand. I’m just- my dad left before I was born. I’ve had issues with my connections to him. I got my eyes from him so I hate it when people compliment them. He was also Italian. I’ve always wanted to learn Italian, but that’s just another bridge between him and I.” Why am I telling all of this to a stranger? This is not me at all.

“Did you somehow remove his eyes, and make them yours?” He says this with a smile on his face. I really hope he is joking.

“Well, no.”

“So they’re your eyes. The only way you could say you got them from him is if he was your dad. It sounds to me like he was only your sperm doner.” He laughs out loud this time. I do too.

“No one has ever put it that way.” I wish someone would have, but then again, I might not be here talking to him if someone did.

“Looks like you need someone like me in your life then.” He is definitely flirting now.

“You’re a confident one.”

“Oh no. You’ve got me all wrong. I’m just trying to impress you.” Wow. He is a flirtatious fellow.

“Well, mission accomplished.” A lot of missions have been accomplished in the last few minutes. I am getting closer to closure. He has impressed me, and I, without meaning to, have possibly found someone that feels the same way about me that I feel for them. “Wait. You never told me your name.”

“My name is Angel, and your name is Benjamin.” I look at him strange as I don’t remember telling him my name. It takes me a minute to realize I am still wearing my nametag.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot I was wearing my nametag. You can call me Benny though” We both laugh for a moment before he looks at his watch. That worries me.

“Cazzo!” Is that Italian? Maybe? “Excuse my language. I have to pick my sister from school. I don’t want this to be our last gathering though.” He says as he grabs a pen from his pocket and begins writing on a napkin.

I sit there and smile as I watch him write something on the napkin. I can’t believe I am sitting across from someone who seems to like me and care about me. He barely even knows me, but he took a few minutes out of his day to listen to my daddy issues. And he still wants to meet up with me again? I must be dreaming.

“Here. Call me.” He sits the napkin down in front of me, and I look down to read it.

I tuoi occhi blu scintillano come l’oceano

And then his number sits below it. What exactly is “it” though? I assume it’s Italian, but what is he telling me in Italian? Is this a lesson? Am I supposed to know without look at Google Translate? Well, if that’s the case, I’m failing.

I look up this sentence on Google, and I smile at what I read. I also look up Cazzo, and that one gives me a good laugh. He was really frustrated when he saw what time it was.

I want to show him my appreciation, but I want to show him that I am down to learn Italian so I look up one last thing on Google before texting him.

Cazzo – shit!

I tuoi occhi blu scintillano come l’oceano – Your blue eyes sparkle like the ocean

Grazie – Thank you

BoxyCharm January 2020 – Breaking the Ice

I have finally subscribed to BoxyCharm! This is something I have considered doing for awhile. I finally caved in, and this is very exciting! I was very impatient during the shipping process, and ran to the mailbox everyday to see if by some miracle, it had came early. To no one’s surprise, it never did. Until yesterday! I am even more excited because of the extra items I received through a code! Stay until the end of the post to see those items as well! I hope you enjoy my thoughts on the first box of 2020, and maybe after reading this post, you will go ahead and subscribe yourself!


Image result for boxycharm breaking the ice

TOO FACED COSMETICS DIAMOND LIGHT HIGHLIGHTER
MSRP: $38.00

I am always down for a Too Faced product simply for the packaging. I feel like you pay for their packaging for than anything. I don’t really even like this highlighter. It is very dull, but I am happy to have it in my collection. I mean… Have you seen the packaging?? It is beautiful. With that said, I want a dewy shine. This is not that.


ACE BEAUTE VINTAGE DAWN PALETTE
MSRP: $34.99

I would have loved to receive the Scarlet Dusk, but this palette will do. The metallics/shimmers feel so amazing. I have never felt eye shadow that is that creamy without being a liquid eyeshadow. The mattes on the other hand are very streaky. To be fair, swatches are very different from how it appears on the eyelid. I think the mattes would definitely work on the eye. It might just take a bit more work than the other shades.



WANDER BEAUTY TRIP FOR TWO BLUSH AND BRONZER DUO
MSRP: $36.00

I just want to talk to Wander Beauty, and ask them what they were thinking when they made the bronzer in this duo. It is LIGHT light. Unless this duo was made for Casper, it is not going to cut it. It also has a sheen to it which I thought was weird. The blush is fine though. I haven’t done makeup long enough to know which color blush looks best on me, but I am down to experiment with this one.


AVANT SKINCARE 8 HOUR RADIANCE RENEWAL SLEEPING MASK
MSRP: $107.00

As I type this, I am wearing $107 on my face. Yes. That is how much this sleeping mask is. I can’t believe it. I don’t even know if it is doing anything. I will post my review on Influenster in a few days when I have made my decision. Either way, I wanted the Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask from Glow Recipe so I am slightly disappointed with this one. I just don’t think this one is made for my skin. Age Radiance? I am 19. I need Watermelon Glow!


PETITE ‘N PRETTY FULLY FEATHERED VOLUMIZING MASCARA
MSRP: $18.00

This is a cool product I guess. I am giving it to my sister because I think it will be a long time before I use mascara a lot. She wanted the GrandeLash mascara, but she is happy with this one nonetheless.




PRETTY VULGAR

im ok.

If you haven’t gathered from my very depressing posts, 2019 was a bad year for me. As far as I can remember, I’ve never had a year as bad as 2019. There was so much stress, heartbreak, and long nights that a lot of it is honestly a blur. I thought about listing what happened, but that isn’t what this post is about. I don’t want this to be a pity party. It is actually a celebration because to be honest, I am okay. I still have my nights, but I’ve learned in the past year that everyday can’t be perfect. There will always be those bad days, but if you focus on those days, you will miss the good days. I feel like everyone focuses on the negative. It’s just a thing that humans do unfortunately. It’s something I do, but I am starting to learn. I did start taking medicine for my mental health in 2019 so maybe that’s when I started having all of these realizations. It has helped bring back my happy self so this could all be due to my medicine. Either way, I did learn a lot in 2019. I needed a year like 2019 so I can have a year that I know 2020 will be. You’ve got to be thankful for the bad or you won’t get the good. I wouldn’t even be here without 2019. I would probably be writing fanfiction in Google Docs. If you do that, that is perfectly fine. In fact, send your fanfictions my way. That’s just not how I express myself anymore. Halfway through 2019, I realized I needed to express myself in a different way. I knew I needed to reach others to help myself. That’s why I started my blog. I just love feeling like I make a difference. Sitting in my room struggling to write a fanfiction is not making a difference. This is. It’s making a difference in me, and I like to think that it’s making a difference with everyone reading this. I hope you’re able to learn something or at least relate to something I write. Maybe I help you realize that you’re not alone. Or anything else that is considered a change. With all of this said, I just want to thank 2019, you guys, and my doctor because I am okay.

a glass box.

Have you ever felt trapped in a glass box while everyone’s success surrounds you? You’re stuck while everyone reaches for the sky. All you can do is watch. You try convincing yourself that you will be that person one day, but years go by and you realize you were lying to yourself. You are still stuck in that glass box watching the people closest to you cry with tears of joy. You tell them that you are proud of them, but there’s this voice in your head saying “They should be stuck in this box.” It’s not selfishness. It’s the broken part of you realizing that you aren’t going anywhere.

What I am Looking Forward to in 2020

2020 is going to be a good year. 2020 is going to be a good year. 2020 is going to be a good year. If I say that enough, it will happen. Right? I heard that from someone. It is worth a shot. Anyway, I actually believe that 2020 will be a good year. I am determined to make it a good year. I will do anything it takes. For starters, I want to make a list of things I am excited for in 2020. I always find myself pointing out what I am not excited for which I am sure isn’t recommended by therapists. I want to start doing what therapists recommend. Well, only the good therapists. Anyway, no more wasting time. Let’s get to that list, shall we?

MUSIC

Selena Gomez – RARE

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We have all witnessed SelGo’s amazing comeback in 2019. How can you not be excited for this album? Like c’mon. We will all be bopping to this album on January 10th!

Lauv – How I’m Feeling

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Lauv is legendary. His music is legendary. All of the singles from this album have been legendary. The newest one, Changes, is AMAZING and a mood. With that said, I am extremely excited to listen to every song over and over on March 6th.

MOVIES & SHOWS

A Quiet Place 2

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A Quiet Place was the best movie in 2018. Nuff said.

The Eternals

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Richard Madden in a Marvel movie?? SIGN ME UP. But on a real note, I think this movie will be my new favorite Marvel movie. Don’t let me down Feige!!

Wonder Woman 1984

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I am kind of scared for this film. I want it to be amazing, but I’ve heard about some stuff behind the scenes, and it is scaring me. With that said, the first trailer was decent and the first movie was just amazing. I still want to see where the story goes.

Sonic the Hedgehog

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Sonic was my idol when I was a kid. I was excited for this movie to begin with, but seeing how they responded to the fans’ disappointment of the character’s original design has hyped me up even more! SUPPORT THIS MOVIE!!!

In The Heights

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I love musicals. I love Hamilton. I love Crazy Rich Asians. This movie is right my alley. I really need to listen to the soundtrack for the musical. Not sure why I haven’t yet.

Free Guy

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This movie looks like it’ll be a fun time in the theater. It just screams popcorn movie, and that is not a bad thing. I am very excited to watch this trippy film.

West Side Story

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I don’t have much of an explanation as to why I am excited for this film besides the fact that it is a musical and it is directed by Steven Spielberg. He is a freaking legend.

Fantasy Island

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Really don’t know much about the show this is loosely based off of, but it just sounds like a cool concept that I am so down for.

Upcoming Disney+ Shows

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Lizzie McGuire. WandaVision. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. The Mandalorian Season 2. High School Musical: The Musical: The Series Season 2. COME ON. Like that is something to get excited for!

BOOKS

The Gravity of Us

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When this book releases on February 4th, do not contact me because will receive nothing in return. I will be locked up in my room reading this adorable book. I have already pre-ordered and I cannot WAIT to read this gay-mazing book. I already know it is going to be gay-mazing. Anyway, support Phil Stamper and BUY this book. Click HERE for the description.

We Are Totally Normal

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Another gay book… didn’t expect that one. Joking. We all saw it coming. Anyway, I just love these kind of books. Self-discovery and confusion met with romance makes for a perfect heart-wrenching story. Click HERE for the description.

Only Mostly Devastated

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I have a feeling this one is going to be an adorable rom-com. The plot is a little cliche, but I like cliche rom-coms. I am just excited to see how it all plays out. Click HERE for the description.

MISC.

Blog

These last few months have been insane, and I have had little time to focus on my blog. I am determined to give some time to my blog especially after paying for the premium plan. I am excited to take my blog somewhere it has never been. You’ll see some major changes soon. Things will also slow down halfway through the year so I will be much more active on here in starting in June.

Youtube

I have always wanted to start YouTube. To be honest, blogging is just my way to step into YouTube. I have always wanted to blog and I don’t plan on stopping, but YouTube is my ultimate dream. I just feel like I belong there. I plan on starting very soon. I have filmed a video, but I absolutely hated it so I won’t be posting it. I promise to film soon though. Let me know what you guys want to see!!

Living for Myself

2019 was the year where I lived for everyone but myself. I didn’t go to college because I wanted to help my sister with a few things. I also did it because of my anxiety, but I really couldn’t go because my sister needed me. I don’t regret that decision, but I was constantly doing things for everyone. It wasn’t only my sister. I was just being held back because I would never say no. I don’t think that will change, but I will start giving more time to myself. I have to. 2019 has just been such a draining year, and that is because I was constantly doing things for others. I didn’t let myself live. I can’t do that in 2020, and I am so excited to live for myself.

Just Everything New

A new year brings new things and new opportunities. I just can’t wait to see what it brings. I’m also a little nervous, but I think it will all work out!

the bottom of the ocean.

The bottom of the ocean
Is where I reside.
Dark and scary
With creatures lurking.
It gets lonely down here
Where my only friend is a fish.
I might just give in to the creatures.
The creatures waiting to attack,
They smell my fear.
They love it.
I might give them what they want.
I don’t know what else to do.
I’m in their habitat.
I’m lost with nowhere else to go.
Giving in is my only choice.